Depressing..

finally it is Saturday. 1 hella week had passed. With it had brought many events that truly tested my limits. And today, it had brought my confidence and self-esteem down to a new time low. When I started working, I found myself experiencing a mix of feelings; confusion, depressing, frustrated, angry.. The list goes on. Tired of them all. Tired of being in this situation.. I want OUT.
 
this week also had been raining hard in the morns.. It seemed that the weather knew exactly my mood and acted accordingly. haha... yeah right.
 I found myself facing the computer everyday for 8 hours, and enduring the instincts in me that most of my colleagues wanted me to LEAVE. Everyday they faced problems created by me and convinced themselves that I was like the previous person who had my job. What the *&^%$%!!
 
Let me tell you what exactly happened. The person who left my job is FAKE. Pretending to be nice and calling me dear, I wrote down all the tips and noted down all the details that I'm supposed to remember while doing my work. If you haven't read my previous reply, let me refresh your memory again.
 
this formula;
 
1 bad teacher + 1 bad student = 1 totally screwed up document.
 
An attitude person who left a bad impression of herself to others and made me do all the dirty work, I had to face the consequences. To her, I was just a scapegoat and a handy tool for her revenge. I had unwittingly got myself into a situation where the consequences are 100% serious.

finally I know what exactly happened. This person; let's call her Ms. Bullshit.
She is well-known for pretending and never did her work properly. And the relationship between her and Johnny  was always bad. They were constantly fighting with each other about her attitude and her way of doing work. And it happened that Johnny was on leave and instructed her to teach all the things that happened to me. ALL the things that she taught me was totally WRONG. On the second and third day, I thought that I was doing the work properly but little did I know, I screwed up the work. and johnny spent 16 hours doing the corrections. I nearly cried when I found out about that. I went to Juliana and told her the truth. She encouraged me to tell the truth to Johnny. I did and he understood. he spent the rest of the day teaching me.
at first, I had to get used to the pile of documents waiting to be done for the day. I worked overtime to finish most of the documents. I had to be prepared to the sudden changes. on thursday night, I was typing quite slowly (I double checked several times before I was finally satisfied and passed the document over to Johnny) I tried my hardest to figure out the documents in small fonts and to make things worse, I had never seen the documents before. The fact still remains, Miss Bullshit didn't do a proper job of teaching me. All she did was to tell and describe how the documents looked like and didn't have samples of them. I asked her several times to demonstrate but she didn't do what I requested. so when she left, I was totally on my own and when the warehouse people passed me the docs. I had absolutely no idea which document belongs whether it was air freight, sea frieght, local delivery or self delivery. When I tried to look around for help, I saw all of them working hard and had the feeling that I shouldn't disturb them. So when I typed the data entries, the inventory report was terrible. I could see Johnny wanted to explode at me in anger several times but held himself in check.

On thursday night, I was doing my work, Johnny was scheduled for reservist the next day. So he instructed a lady to check my work and point out my mistakes. I was so tired that I couldn't finish the the last document for the day. I was getting the hang of it when I was instructed by Johnny that I was supposed to teach her what my work is about. When I taught her, I didn't want the colleague ( Josephine) to suffer the same consequences like me so I took the liberty to take time off to teach her the documents and showed her how did the  documents look like. (Note: air frieght, sea frieght, local delivery and other documents come in different format.) 
 I wanted her to understand fully and answered every question as carefully as I could. 

 As I searched for the exact documents, I mixed up the updated docs. with the pending ones and in the end, got really confused to differentiate.. Johnny raised his voice at me for the first time. he taught Josephine in Mandarin. and as he did that, he scolded me in mandarin behind my back. (literally.) little did he know I actually do understand what he's talking about even though I can't speak mandarin... hearing that made me even more depressed because he said that my contract is ending soon. and it is just a matter of time... I cried on the bus journey home..
 from his scoldings, I learnt the importance of being organised. I Learnt something new everyday, and reflected on how could I improve or change the current method of working. And I felt myself improving everyday.

Today, I had to take another blow. when I came to the recruitment agency, I met Shanne who interviewed me for the job. She told me directly that I got very bad feedback from the company and pointed out my weaknesses. I typed very slowly, and they were not happy with that and have to encounter problems whenever I made mistakes.. but they were willing to give me a chance to improve myself. 
  

What I was actually doing in my work was part of the job. My job is actually linked to the others  and is very important. So if I make a mistake, the other people (customer service people and the warehouse people) will ship the items based on my mistakes and the customers were all very mad for shipping out the wrong items and to the wrong places. So I absolutely cannot afford to make a single mistake in my Inventory report. and my weakness is that I can type fast in MS Word, but not in MS Excel because of  different format. And I forgot the functions that enhance the work.
 Even though I have a computer certificate, and that generally lead to the idealism that I can type very fast with both hands and use all the ten fingers. but I tell you, I am proficient with my left hand, but not with the right hand. so that means that I only use 2 fingers on my right hand. my right hand is usually gets cramped shortly. the working environment is totally different than what I expected. 
 I believe I need more improvement with the practice. during the day, I dunno why my palms get sweaty and this makes it hard to type even more faster. everyone's typing speed is totally faster than me, and even their desks are piled high up with stacks of documents, they usually managed to get it done within 24 hours deadline. but I managed to do all the work only during the next day. the documents kept coming during the day, and more work piled up if I don't type faster. Time means money. if I delay 1 document to the next day, the company will lose money. at first, I was totally tired. that doesn't mean that I do not want to work, but I was totally new and had to adjust to the life that I'll be sitting on that chair for 24 hours.  I prefer to run around, walk and meet people, but my joob requires me to sit on that chair and type all the data entries of all the shipment transactions that came in during the day. I feel like I'm losing hope little by little everyday..  
 
And am actually crying as I typed this...    
  

pAnCEttt ....

just went back from work and is now resting from the work. the day today is a significant day for me. since monday, I have no inkling whether I have done a good job (and worse still, I thought I did.) and when I met Johny in the morning, his face totally changed. he spent this whole day correcting the document and teaching me thoroughly. he was sooooo patient. and to think that he spent till 1 am to do his office work so that others can do their part... wah.. so noble of him. :X
haha.. let me introduce Johny. my BOSS. a chinese guy who is in his mid twenties or thirties, and knows how to speak malay a bit, he can be nice to you when you do your work properly and nicely. not to mention really carefully. he's really particular about the inventory and any small mistake that I make will be scolded by him. (he said that he bites very hard..) I got a wake-up call from him this morning.. and finally, I know how to do my work.. got to write down all the notes and details from him. I think that I better change my morning drink to coffee. drinking instant cereal drink makes me sleepy. not to mention careless the way that I do my work. on the first day of work, my senior, Nita, didn't do a good job of teaching me properly. and it happened that there were no documents from the customer service section (yantra team) and had no sample of the inbound or outbound documents. so all the while she taught me by saying all the important details but did not show where are they placed in the pages of the document. All the while I tried to figure out myself about them and inserted the wrong details inside the inventory.. I gotta admit, it was partly my fault too. I said sorry to Johny and he didnt mind.. so I wasn't sure about the details and instead of asking ppl about them, I cin cai bo cai wrote any figure in.. and while Johny was correcting the document, I stayed calm on the outside but freaked out on the inside. Went to Juliana and told her about my progress in the restroom (well, the only place that I could find is that, so that i could have some privacy) I almost cried... tsk tsk. but at least I know what to do now.. wah.. b4 I forget, betta write down all the details down into my notebook before my memory fades...
my sis smsed me this msg, even though I made mistakes, it is ok. but make sure that I don't repeat it again... that msg calmed me down..

and at the end of the day, the summary is this;

1 bad teacher + 1 bad student = 1 totally screwed up document. :x

to touch on last sunday, I finally got to meet them. ( rebecca and hajjar excluded.) I wanted to see the whole group. Got to see Sir OON and his family and Ryan. Intan got the wrong info from Gary that all of us were going to meet at pasir Ris.. walk2 and chit chat.. and to our suprise, we were supposed to meet them at Milleium walk. and to think that me, Intan, Faisal and Han Rong went all the way to bedok and were eating ice kacang at parkway parade when we got that info.. aish.. >.<

so needless to say, we patah balik to millenium walk at the usual place. bought some titbits and drinks for all of us to munch on, spend some quiet time to read my mag, some reading storybook and newspapers.

haha... i'll catch up on this later. gotta haf my beauty sleep. dah pancet cannot tahan...

adios!!

mai first day of work...

let me tell you about my first day of work. I opened my eyes to the world at around 5.45 am.. which is unusual for me since I wake up around 6.30 am. and that is just to pray in the morning and back to the pillows again. :p
 
did the usual things, prepare myself for work, styled my now short hair ( feels light nowadays...) and packed my bag. Mustered enough courage to face the world. however, due to the morning drink, I felt.. sleepy, excited, nervous all at the same time. never worked during office hours before. felt so SELF-CONSCIOUS of my new hair-do. and I realised the true value of having a bad hairdo. sigh.. that botak hairstylist did not understand my feelings at all, and persuaded me to cut my hair really short... and in the end, it made regret totally. sigh.. wasted my $$ on them.. oh well.
 
I managed to get hrough the day when trying to absorb all the things that I'm supposed to do during my work. tried to do the transaction report... wah.. the counting part made me sooo tired. (literally). I lost count many times and had to recount again. made me >.<
 
did some filing.. went to the warehouse several times to talk with the men working there.. learnt to liase with the warehouse ppl, made some friends, and almost fell asleep several times while counting the data entries one by one. haix.. but it made me experience the office life... I'm exploring the life that I'm always curious about.
my desk is located in front of Admin assistant manager, Mr. Johnny. they all mention that I gonna be really stressed out and I heard that he's really particular about the standard of work. He sets a high expectation of himself and demands the same standard from me too...
 
but I haf the weekend to rest first, and then get ready to face the crunch.. I'm looking forward to meeting my friend this sun.. 
 
well, that's it.. too tired to write anymore...
 
to all of u who's reading my blog, thanks!! and missing ya,
 
Adilla
  
 

>.<

Does the title mean anything to you? I do. (it means I'm getting cross-eyed after staring at the comp for almost a whole day... duh.) finally, the fateful day has come where I can finally get sum $$!! (hey, wait a minute, that isn't something new!! You do that every month!! >_> )

way lao eh.. Boring topic....

what else should I say? I stay at home for almost 2 and half months now and I'm getting STALE. With little hope of meeting my friends (I mean the whole group...) I know that they are busy with school, orientation or whatsoever.. So I have to schedule the meeting time suitable for them..
but at least tml going out with Rebecca to go my hair treatment... The next day, go out with Hajar.. Saturday got RSP meeting and sun... Go out to East Coast... This week is the busiest I can be.. This gotta be the highlighted events during this dull period of time. (me meditating? yeah right..)

Long time haven't go there... always cooped up at home like one bewildered cat.. MIaow.



aish.. How I wish I could get that work call earlier... At least got sumting to do with to occupy my time. Been exercising, doing housework, cracking my brains over my resume, stuck at my cover letter, and staring at all the job lists that I added to my acct in Asiaone.com.

what else? helping mom cook dinner at 7 AM in the morning.. I know I'm weird. BTW, my mom works the whole day and I haf nuthing to do.. So yeah.

been thinking about how to make changes to my makeover, and been getting some feedback from Rabbit and HAjar. now reading through the tips of the image book or total image impact.

Everyday, my usual routine goes like this: help mum, eat breakfast, switch on comp, surf the 3 sites: a kpop site, friendster, and blogspot.com. (but stop ashort of login in) Been praying for my friends, hope that they are well, happy and stress-free. been consoling my friends when they are down, (at least got reason to go out..)

ANd...

Getting StALe...

side-effects of being cooped up at home for a long time:

1) Blinking NO IDEA which day of the week now and what DATE it is now..

2) Find ways to entertain myself alone...

3) Being broke means the activities you want to do are restricted.

4) just now missed a call. GOT Friggin no idea who it was, I rushed to the room only to find the call ended. Anxious that there was a potential job caller, I called up the recruitment agency only to find that nobody phoned. Aish.. I wonder who was the caller..

5) getting a headache now and feeling my brain getting rusty and rustier. (is there such a word??!! o.0 )

6) my wonderful sense of humour going down the drain... literally.



All these side-effects lead to ....

One BOred CAveWoman or CAve... CAt. o.0

just found out...

today when I woke up, my family left to do their own things, mum went to exercise, my dad went to Johor, My sis left to do something om her own, which I can never figure out what she's trying to do, since she works, and also haf her own activities to attend. Btw, my mom couldn't recognise me when I'm all dressed up when I went for the interview. neither do my friends. I need to go hair salon desperately.. I think if I went out with the state that my hair is in now, the hairstylists wld definitely faint.. >.<
now waiting for the fateful call from the recruitment centre. and I'm not sure when and where I get a job from.. hopefully the working hours doesn't clash with the RSP meeting on next coming Sat.
Speaking of jobs, Sab already got a job.. I wonder how the second interview went for her.. betta ask her later..

now listening to one of my all-time fave artists, Seven, a Korean male artist. his second album just gets better, he's becoming the best hottie in my list. even his style hadtotally changed, this time even more surprising and more jaw-dropping. I cldn't believe that it was him when I saw his cover pictures on his album...

later got to do some of the things that I intend to do for a while now... a cover letter, got to read again some self-improvement bk exercises and keep me occupied throughout the day..
'm looking forward to the day when I can finally go to the hair salon with my sis.. Found a great hair salon which offers gd service (from what I see) and the products that I always wanted to try but scared whether its range don't suit my hair.. and cut my hair, get a fringe.. better get some $$ from my dad and more $$ to support me when I finally find a job. it's a bit scary, but I will try my best and push myself out of my comfort zone and try new things.

well, that's what I have to say for today...

ciao!!

tiring..

another day has passed, this time I was quite tired... Tired from surfing the net, tired from going to International Plaza to find work from a recruitment agency, standing on my feet during the long journey home.. not only that, my iron flared out the moment I switched on it, and immediately switched of the main circuit. what can I say, what turned out to be an ordinary day is filled with ups and downs.. even at home. me gonna find work.. and yesterday I found a new self help book that matched my desire.. to have a total makeover and I wanna make sure all my friends won't believe that's the new me.. I found a lot of handy tips, and I better make sure that I use them...

another week is going to pass, and again, I predict that I won't see my beloved friends again... (I say, how many weeks already? Let me count... 6 weeks and counting.) even the person whom I wanna meet most didn't reply or anything.. SIAN!! >.<

however, I'm gonna use this time to get some soul searching... get a new make over, change my bad habits, and had already figured out what I planned to do next... oh yeah, reorganise my things.. well, better get going...

Adios!!

another day has passed..

Another day has almost come to an end as I'm typing this diary entry. woke up early bleary-eyed to help mum cook dinner. ( I know it's weird but mum works in late morning till late afternoon) then switched on the comp to play the FTTS song, missing you. in English version. Blasting the speakers out loud, I spent the morning finishing up the letters for the 13th excos. during breaks, I sang my lungs out with this song. (no wonder the neighbours closed their windows..) and were totally late for meeting time. Supposed to meet at 1 pm, but ended up meeting Sabrina at 2. btw, she also came at that time...

boarded the bus 105 from Jurong East Bus Interchange and along the journey, both of us were filled with feelings of nostalgia and nervousness. the thought of us going back to school and seeing our juniors doing all those work.. Ahh..

Spotted Faizal and Tom when we bumped into our fellow ex-counsellor. Alamak, forgot her name.. and went straight to the staff room to get our certificates and did sum chitchatting with our teachers. When we saw them leading a class, we hooted and applauded them. Didn't see Mdm Hasnah, but saw Mr Anthony waiting to photocopy something. At the same time, I laughed when he gave funny reactions when we asked him for donations..

then we stopped by at the photocopying room to copy several (no.. many) awards and certificates achieved by Sabrina. The more I saw the awards, the more re-enforced the belief in me that Sabrina is a natural go getter girl in life. I was quite awe-struck at that time.

it was 3 plus when we finished. then We headed towards the S.C. Room, but our hopes went downhill as we saw the sign, Meeting in Progress. We stared at the room located besides the S.C. Room. It turned out to be a retailing room. It's interior design was visually stunning. Ater much discussion, we decided to gatecrash the meeting, no matter what the sign says..

Sabrina went inside the room first, earning surprised laughter and greetings. then I popped my head inside. Unknown to me, Sab had went further inside and didn't support the door. So needless to say, it closed onto me.
I greeted everyone sitting around the table. I glanced at the room. Sab exclaimed that nothing had changed. I agreed with her. I searched in my bag, for the letters.

I headed to the nearest table to get all the letters and soon, they were talking to each other once again. I interrupted them, and explained the purpose. I gave all the letters to all except Gary and Faisal and Kelvin. (Kelvin mia..) I raided the fridge with Sabrina, glancing at all the biscuits and the chocs. Shidah asked us aloud about our results. When it came to my turn, I made a resigned face and made a 'die' sign with my finger.
Somebody asked me so what was I doing right now. ( actually I tot the qn went like 'so what I intend to do now?')
and the answer popped out of my mouth without me realising it. "Working." (When actually I'm not)
I chatted with them for a while and headed out of the room.. I felt that it was quite short and believe that it lasted for 10 -15 mins.. Coz both of us felt that they shld get on with their meeting.

continuation

well, back to Sabrina and 4PM, we met guys like Hashim and Zamri, when joined forces together, can make the whole group howl in laughter with their jokes. Remembering about that makes me smile, ( Clipping a cheeseburger to the card holder which can be worn ard the neck?) Tsk, Tsk.

Zamri has a nice (that's an understatement) Honda space wagon, exactly the type of car I want when I have a family. We went to Geylang to start our volunteering work, by selling coupons to ppl. It was hard work, but with our perseverance, we managed to sell a couple of them each. I spotted a man in his mid thirties who has a friendly face expression, and approached him. I wasn't expecting him to fork out $$ but when i said that I was from 4PM, he immediately took out his wallet without hesitation. but our hopes deteriorated when he took out a $50 note, saying that he didn't have change. I went to my friend, and asked her for change. Sadly, she didn't. the man went away, after saying that he might be coming back with change, but he cldn't promise. so we went other places to try our luck but no avail. then as we passed to the same junction where we met the man earlier. we headed to the carpark to meet the guys. To our surprise, the very same man chased after us, yelled and waved a ten dollar note after us. we were bowled over by his actions.

During the journey to Tampines, I began to crack jokes and made them laugh. My jokes complemented Lyiana's. and before we knew it, we had arrived at Tampines Mall. we continued with our purpose.

we saw Kak Fara and she joined us on the way back to 4PM. She approached me and began to talk to her.

back at 4pm, we snapped some pics, talked some more and played around with each other. I left with Sabrina to head for home. but we bumped into another guy whom I didn't know and we boarded the bus together. As usual, we talked nonstop again.

this has been a great day for me...

relaxing after a break.

I always wondered why does the world seemed to be sooo small. In life, you're bound to meet the friends that you lost touch with. Everyday, surprises are bound to happen. Recently, I bumped into ppl whom I know, or just strangers that came to the same school as me. (who are fast becoming friends with me.) also, this saying rang true for me. the One whom I always wanted to meet doesn't get the chance, but the ppl whom I didn't want to meet or I least expected them appeared into my life out of nowhere. oh well..

Just came back from volunteering activities at 4PM. (A malay org.) Woke up early, was shot awake with a blast of cold water, and dragged myself out of the house b4 meeting Sabrina.

both of us were late, and got to 4PM late. along the journey, we talked non-stop about our lives, problems and basically anything under the sun. Sabrina has figured out what she wants to do with her life. And finally, I have come to the conclusion stage. After days of worn out thoughts and considerations, I have finally settled the decision. I will find work now, and I save up $$ for my course fee. (Time to be independent already.) During this month, I received scoldings, praise and advice along the way. I felt proud when i received praise, cried to myself when I got scolded and reflected my bad behaviour to the past events, and got the answer whom I had been wondering. and I resolved to myself that I will change into a brand new person, a total image changeover. someone whom my friends will never think that I would do. It's gonna be hard to change my old habits, but I will change. No doubt about that. gotta draw up a list of things that I need to develop a habit with..

ahh..

As I am typing this, I am powered by the melodius voices of two dynamic duo, BRian and Fany, members of Fly To The Sky. Who must be wondering who are they? Well, let me tell you.. They are Korean.

Their voices re-enforced the fact why I absolutely luurrvvee Kpop. Actually, I knew about the a few years ago, but didn't listen to them as I favoured the group, H.O.T (another Kpop grp)

I saw their performance as I clicked onto a link, curious to know what's in store. The moment they sang their hearts out, I was hooked.

now, I am a converted FTTS fan. No doubt about it. Not much happened today, just did some housework, saved some FTTS perfs, watched Shrek the movie on the vcd. (I love EDDIE Murphy.) He can really make the donkey character come alive with his gifted voice and found out that he cld rap..

wah liao eh.. new ppl to idolise today.. I'm so happy!! (Duh..)

gotta go, wanna watch FTTS perf again.. (and again.. and again..)